Inflicting trauma since the beginning of time
Question: What’s brown and sticky?
Answer: A stick.
And that, my friends, is the only thing that’s amusing about sticks.
We here at Lil Workers are all about kids and safety, hence our monthly articles about childhood danger. So, obviously, it was only a matter of time before we got the chance to expound on the wickedness of sticks.
Sure, they managed to stay under the radar for a while just sort-of casually blending into the background. (Isn’t it just like a stick to play all innocent?)
But no more, Sticks! As concerned parents, we have a few things to say about you, so listen up!
Walk softly and carry a big stick
Okay, I get the irony. Parents have been using sticks as their own personal tool for eons, whether a switch from a tree or a wooden spoon. That’s because sticks inflict pain. Seriously, ask any hockey player and they’ll tell you sticks are weapons. And is there anything scarier than a three-year-old boy with a stick? PUT.THAT. DOWN. NOW. RYAN!
I’ve got an idea, how about we hold a moratorium. No more sticks for anyone – kids, parents, dogs – no more sticks.
More injuries than you can shake a stick at
Dogs, too? Okay, before you start howling, Rover, let’s just take a look at some of your issues. Twigs caught in teeth, gouged mouths and throats, choking and digestive issues. It’s a dog’s breakfast of injuries. Not to mention when we as owners get our legs taken out as some careless canine with a branch hanging out its mouth runs past.
I’d give you stats on childhood injuries, but I can’t find any. However, that doesn’t mean they’re not out there!
Stick in the mud . . . or rather stick with mud, it’s nice and soft
The problem is we’re fighting thousands of years of learned behavior here. I mean what’s the first thing you think of when you picture a caveman? Right, that great big club on his shoulder.
But how about flinging mud instead? It’s soft and doesn’t leave a mark, well, other than the ones on your clothes.
Let’s face it nature is dangerous, and sticks are part of the problem. Nice carpeted floors and screens with rounded corners are way better.
It’s not just me, is it? They suck, right?
Or maybe I got the wrong end of the stick.